Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are: Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline. Bustard (n.) a rude bus driver. Cabbage Patch A patch for those trying to stop eating cabbage. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs. Discussion n. a Frisbee-related head injury. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk. Excruciate n. the ligament that attaches your ex-wife to your paycheck. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained. Flattery n. a place that manufactures A and B cup brassieres only. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. Gargoyle (n.) an olive-flavored mouthwash. Ineffable adj. describes someone you absolutely cannot swear in front of. Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp. Negligent (adj.) Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. Nincompoop n. the military command responsible for battlefield sanitation. Oral-B Monica's grade on her last intern evaluation. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. Ozone n. area in which the G-spot is located. Perplexed adj. lost in a movie theater. Pimple n. pimp's apprentice. Pokemon (n) A Jamaican proctologist. Pontificate n. a document given to each graduating pope. Pop Secret Paternity suit settled without publicity. Population n. that nice sensation you get when drinking soda. Racket n. a small pair of breasts. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. Semantics (n.) pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood. Spatula n. A fight among vampires. Sudafed A software program on how to file a civil action against the government. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent. The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners: Accimental Caused by a Freudian slip. Acme a generic skin disease. Adulatery cheating on one’s wife with a much younger woman who holds you in awe. Alexpandria A town known for its buffet restaurants. Algaebra What the Little Mermaid wears over her chest. Aliass A body double for a nude scene. Antifun gal a prude. Apocalypstic The little smudge I came home with on my collar that makes my wife act like it's the end of the world. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. Arbyss The deepest part of the stomach, reserved for two Giant Roast Beefs, large Curly Fries and a chocolate shake. Auto-da-feh The extermination of heretics via drowning in a vat of pus. Avant-harde Before the Cialis kicks in. Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. Burglesque a poorly planned break-in. (See: Watergate) Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. Coiterie A very very close-knit group. Contratemps The resentment permanent workers feel toward the fill-in workers. Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. Deifenestration to throw all talk of God out the window. DIOS The one true operating system. Doltergeist A spirit that decides to haunt someplace stupid, such as your septic tank. Dopeler Effect The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you have been smoking marijuana. Dopeler effect (n) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Dozie The lie a person tells when a telephone caller wakes him up and he denies that he was sleeping. Elepants Too-tight jeans on broad-beamed people. Emasculathe a tool for castration. Eunouch the pain of castration. Fadavers Last year's hot fads. Foreploy (v) Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. Fortissimoe The musical moment produced when someone serially slaps the faces of the first-violin section. Genitaliar an image-enhancing object that can be carried in a man’s front pocket. Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very,very high. Glibido (v) All talk and no action. Goodzilla a giant lizard that puts out forest fires by stamping on them. Guillozine a magazine for executioners. Hindkerchief really expensive toilet paper; toilet paper at Buckingham Palace. Hindprint indentation made by a couch potato. Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness. Hooternanny The au pair you thought was especially promising, but your wife sent back to the agency. Hozone the area around 14th Street. Ignoranus A person who's both stupid and an asshole. Impotience Eager anticipation by men awaiting their Viagra prescription. Inoculatte (v) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. Intaxication Euphoria at receiving a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Karmageddon (n) its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. Lollapalooka Someone who has taken one too many turns in the mosh pit. Lust an unseemly craving for this position in the column. Main Geeze How an elderly, unmarried couple refer to each other. Nazigator an overbearing member of your carpool. Necronancy Communication with the late Ernie Bushmiller. Newtspaper the Washington Times. Osteopornosis (n) A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) Polarvoid The state of having no baby pictures, a condition that usually befalls the second-born child. Reintarnation Coming back to life as a hillbilly. Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. Sata a mythical being who brings toys to bad children. Socceur the proper spelling of the sport for the next four years, alas. Stupfather Woody Allen. Suckotash a dish consisting of corn, lima beans and tofu. Synapple a perfect beverage to accompany brain food. Taterfamilias the head of the Potato Head family. Tatyr A lecherous Mr. Potato Head. Thripp A bug. Tumfoolery When a middle-aged man sucks in his stomach while being introduced to an attractive woman Vaseball a game of catch played by children in the living room. Whitetater A political hot potato. Writer’s tramp a woman who practices poetic licentiousness. Buzz Words and Phrases for the 21st Century (Dilbert-isms) 404 Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "Don't bother asking him ... he's 404, man." ADMINISPHERE The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. ALPHA GEEK The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. ASSMOSIS The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. BLAMESTORMING Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. CHAINSAW CONSULTANT An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. CHIPS & SALSA Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa." CLM (Career Limiting Move) Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. CUBE FARM An office filled with cubicles. DE-INSTALLED Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a Vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of a de-installed vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." DILBERTED To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been Dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week." FLIGHT RISK Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. GENERICA Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. Used as in “We were so lost in generica that I forgot what city we were in.” GOING POSTAL Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages. GOOD JOB A “Get-Out-Of-Debt” Job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again. IDEA HAMSTERS People who always seem to have their idea generators running. IRRITAINMENT Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find your-self unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Bill Clinton’s shameful video Grand Jury testimony is another. MOUSE POTATO The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. OHNOSECOND That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. (Try not to dent the case.) PRAIRIE DOGGING When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. RANK AND FILE Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. SALMON DAY The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. SEAGULL MANAGER A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. SITCOMs (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. SQUIRT THE BIRD To transmit a signal to a satellite. STARTER MARRIAGE A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets. STRESS PUPPY A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. SWIPED OUT An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. TOURISTS People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists." TREEWARE Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material. UNINSTALLED Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice-mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: “You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(Syn: decruitment.) VULCAN NERVE PINCH The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key. XEROX SUBSIDY Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, “We each owe $8, but all anybody’s got are yuppie food stamps.” SITCOMs Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business". TESTICULATING Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks. SINBAD single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.